The Worst Day

Last Friday was just the worst day that I can remember in quite some time. It seemed like everything was raining down badly on us (literally and figuratively). We've worked our way through it over the last few days, but the effects still seem to linger.

Friday morning I had a meeting before school. This meeting was with an assistant principal and another teacher for some mediation. The teacher and I had a conflict Tuesday morning, and she yelled at me in the hallway in front of other students/teachers. I was shocked then, and anxious about the mediation. The teacher was again extremely rude to me, condescending, lashed out at me and tried to blame personal issues on the conflict we had. Our asst. principal mediated to make sure we could still work together, but it was just such a surreal experience. I have never been spoken to like that in such a direct way for something I truly believe I had no hand in whatsoever. She clearly thought otherwise, but it was a very difficult meeting without much resolution.

As soon as I got back to my classroom, I heard my phone ringing in my bag. The bell hadn't rung yet, so I answered it. It was Chance, and he said, "I'm OK, but I got in a car wreck." Those are the worst words you can hear at work. It was pouring rain, it was Friday morning, I couldn't leave school to help him, and I was sick with worry. He said he was totally fine, but that he'd hydroplaned and hit the guardrail, and his car was not in good shape. (Remember that this was the car that Nanny gave to us less than a month ago...) I found out more later that he slipped on the overpass, did some rotations in his car, and slammed into the guardrail on top of a bridge. If I'd known that then, I might have lost it. Chance assured me that he was OK, just shaken, that his dad and the police were on their way and that I couldn't do anything. He told me he would go home and take care of himself. I was sick with worry and just wanted to leave, but I was stuck at school.

While I was on the phone with him, the bell rang, and I missed being at my duty station down the hall. I stand at an intersection of 2 halls in front of the library and direct kids to the tardy hall after the bell rings. I like my morning duty because I get to see lots of kids and greet them, etc. But while I was on the phone, I closed my door, sat where I wasn't visible and tried to collect myself. During the passing period, there ended up being a fight, and a boy threw a table through the giant glass doors of the library. I would've been standing less than 5 feet away when that happened. Later, I put myself in the situation mentally, and I would have been so scared. Fights happen at my school, but when I'm in my classroom, I can just shut and lock the door against whatever is out there and keep me and my kids safe. I would have been exposed, vulnerable, without anywhere to go. It was a small blessing that I'd been talking to Chance at that time so that I missed my duty.

All these things happened before 9 a.m. Friday. I just felt like nothing could get worse, I wondered why all this was happening, I worried about Chance and if he really was OK like he said. I really wanted to go home to see him, but couldn't leave the day before a vacation. We found out later that Chance's (Nanny's) car was totaled, and Nanny will get the insurance money to put toward her move to a retirement home next month. I thought to myself how much worse the situation could have been--Chance could have been seriously injured or worse--but in the moments of Friday and Saturday when we got the insurance news, I just felt so hopeless. So many things had been stacked against us in such a short amount of time. I worried about Chance, about how to get another car, about stressing too much and hurting Sweet Pea, about money, about safety, about my conflicts at school, etc. So much weighing on us!

We laid low on Friday and Saturday, and just kind of kept to ourselves. Rested, talked, worried, slept. Tried to make a plan for how to get another car, stressed more about it. We went to church Sunday and got some support from our friends. During our lesson, one friend shared this verse that related to our discussion.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12.

It struck me square between the eyes. We have known what it is to have plenty--again, literally and figuratively--we bought a great new car last month, we have a wonderful house, and we have so many blessings with Sweet Pea, friends, family, stable jobs, etc. Now we are in a season of being in need--we don't have a 2nd car, I have difficulties at school, we are dealing with stress. But because we have faith in God, we can trust that He has a provision for us and will lead us to that place. We can choose to be content in any and every situation, because we have experienced the good, so we can deal with the bad. We are both healthy and safe, and Sweet Pea is growing well. We have one dependable car and family/friends who can give us rides. And we have each other to love and depend on. God is teaching us more dependence on Him, and He knows just where we will go from here. It may be difficult to get from here to there, but our worrying about it won't make anything happen easier or better.

I am slowly learning that everything in my life is not in my control. From plans with the baby, to our circumstances now, to all that will happen in the future, it is not up to me. We have to rely on God to show us where to go and provide resources for us to meet our needs. That's the meaning of being content. It's hard to face your worst day and focus on the idea of contentment, but that's what we have to do.