I had been mentally preparing for work and the transition for weeks, but it's never the same as just doing it. Cara and I did a practice run for daycare one day the week before so I could really talk to her teachers and she could get used to a new place. I also wanted to see how much milk she would drink in a day while we were apart. She did really great on her first day (I cried the whole way home after I dropped her off the first time...), so it gave me confidence for the next week.
Sunday night before I went to work, I scrambled around like crazy getting things ready and all set for the next morning. Chance said he would do drop-off so I could just get to school early and to ease the transition. So our new morning schedule looks like this: I wake up between 5 and 5:15 a.m. (YIKES! I am not an early bird; this has been one of the hardest things.) I pump first thing, get my lunch ready and make bottles for Cara. I shower and get ready and get Cara up at 6:30, change her diaper and clothes (Chance does this some mornings too, but we both like to be with her as she wakes up because she's so happy.) and then feed her. She nurses FOREVER all the time, so I want that to be the last thing we do in case it takes a while. Usually we're out the door by 7:15-7:20. If I'm dropping off, I can make it to daycare and then to school by 7:55; if not, I can get there by 7:35-7:45. I pump at school at either 8 or 4 (it's not feasible to do both if I have meetings or tutorials) and at 12:35 when I'm at lunch. I try to dash out the door by 4:45 if I'm picking her up because that's my favorite part of the day--she's so smily when she sees me again. We have a couple of hours at home before we have to do our bedtime routine, and Cara is usually asleep between 7:30-8:30. I'm so fortunate that she is sleeping through the night, because my days would be a lot harder if she wasn't doing that. I credit BabyWise, the Nap Nanny, the swaddle and the fact that she's my child and loves a routine and sleep!
Daycare has been really good for her. She is really happy there, the sweet ladies love her and take great care of her, and she's adapting to a routine easily. She eats around 9, 12 and 3 each day, and sometimes 4:30 before I pick her up. She's learning to lull herself to sleep better and to rest in an environment that is not always perfectly quiet and dark--a skill she implemented at a recent Baylor football game (more on that later)! I pick her up and they tell me what a sweet, happy baby she is, one who just cries when she's hungry and is content most of the other times. It warms my heart to know she's well taken care of and is thriving with change. It makes it easier for me to be apart from her each day knowing that too.
Now for me, my actual job return hasn't been quite as bad as I expected. I had prepared myself for my classes and the school in general to be a war zone. It's not QUITE that bad, so it's better in comparison. I have 6 classes--3 pre-AP and 3 regular academic. My pre-AP classes are joys. They are talkative and easily distracted, but are generally pleasant, self-correcting, mature, discussive, motivated and compliant. There are difficulties, and it's more challenging for me to grade their work quickly and develop rigorous lesson plans from scratch. I don't really have a master plan for the year with them, so it's a high learning curve for me too.
My academic classes are hit-or-miss. I have one class that is a joy each day--some really mature, respectful kids overall. The other two have a handful of kids who make it really difficult for me to stay calm and get work done. They all have bad sub habits--talking, texting, not working very hard, etc. I'm trying to win them over to my side and give lots of structure and consistency and communication. But what a difference it is to only have two classes who give me big challenges rather than 3-5! I'm feeling very fortunate that I look forward to seeing most of my classes each day and that I can teach some upper-level sections to challenge them and myself.
Emotionally, I've tried to be pretty stable. I haven't burst into tears yet, but I have felt overwhelmed and behind the game. I just keep reminding myself of the advice of a very wise mentor and former co-worker: I can't give 100% anymore, but even my 50% effort is better than a lot of other people. So I'm aiming to do the very best I can, but also to let some things go and re-prioritize my time and be more efficient with my time at school. I like my job and my co-workers, I like having structure and a schedule again, but I miss my little girl all the time at school. I would love to be home with her, or future children one day, but I also recognize that the grass is greener too. I'm so thankful that she has a good, safe, loving place to be while I'm working, and it makes our evenings, weekends and holidays that much more sweet and special.
So this is how our lives are now--busy, balancing, scheduled and full of surprises. We're adjusting to our normal until it changes up again!
{my first night home after working all day--she cuddled next to me after her last feeding before bed. It was the sweetest moment to just snuggle her close and love on her!}
{We're enjoying our weekends together and getting back into a normal church schedule now that she can go to the nursery. Last week she wore a dress that I wore as a baby--so sweet!}
{beautiful baby blues}
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